My New Year no longer begins on the 1st of January but on the 29th of May – the day I said no to an abusive narcissist and yes to life itself. Tomorrow I celebrate by setting new intentions for the year to come.
This time last year I was in a lot of pain – both emotionally and physically. I felt that my world was falling apart and I knew that I had to let it.
From that point onward, once my bruises had healed, the year that followed became a year of gathering and polishing. I searched relentlessly for all those pieces of myself that I had lost or forgotten. I encouraged myself to go into the unknown and to remain sensitive to whatever made my heartbeat.
One year on and I am still very much in the unknown because I refuse to settle. I refuse to make quick decisions in order to feel more secure. Instead, I have been working hard on cultivating a new vision of my life that incorporates my deepest values.
My life will never be the same again and for this, I am deeply grateful. So I learn to make my home in the unknown and from there I continue to be creative with my life.
It is not as scary as it was in the beginning. If anything, I have learned that fear is part of the process. It signals the beginning of something deep and the creative and regenerative potential is even stronger if you allow yourself to work with it.
My intention for this year is to focus.
Over the past year, I have managed to gather a lot of ‘stuff’ in the way of ideas and new skills. Now I need to really look at what I have and decide what I want to focus on so that I can start cultivating a new life direction.
I have started to photograph again on a regular basis and I continue to enjoy writing and discovering new authors. I also learn Turkish when time allows because I am dead set on reading another book by Sabinattin Ali. I have started to practice yoga to balance out all the time I spend studying.
The good thing about life is that we have a choice – we don’t have to settle for less and we can mark our beginnings when we want. We have only to be brave enough to dare.
I am grateful to my mother who looked me in the eyes a year ago and said, “You can do this.”