My life seems to have a life of its own.
When I stop, I can sense its undercurrent flowing beneath the shape of things, creating the waves of events that make up my life. If I am still enough I can see it forming as it passes through me.
A few months ago, when I felt myself become undone, I withdrew and surrendered to just observing how my life would unfold if I just let it. If I surrendered my expectations and all the negative noise in my head and any need for control, what would happen?
I was also very exhausted and confused so I was technically unable to control anything but I could surrender and that is what I did.
First I surrendered to self-care. I put myself on a diet that supported both my physical and emotional health. I surrendered to exercise twice a day even if it only meant going out for a walk. I surrendered to creating a personal space that was completely my own and that reflected the goals I wanted to achieve and the things that I love about life. I surrendered to sitting in this space every morning and writing even when everything I wrote didn’t seem to make sense. I also surrendered to showing more kindness to the people that I cared about and the people that crossed my path.
I didn’t feel like doing any of these things but I surrendered to the fact that they had to be done. That life does go on whether you are prepared for it to or not. Going against the flow of your life doesn’t stop it from flowing so turn towards the flow and surrender to it. Go one step further and remove the obstacles that you know are stopping the flow of life in the direction you want it to.
All this surrendering soon filled my life with a daily routine that nurtured me. And even though the feelings I was working through were difficult, the life I was creating for myself encouraged me to blossom and to engage in a way that made me feel good about myself.
As I was busy surrendering to change and cleaning up my life, a series of “accidents” ended up bringing someone special into my life.
The way that it happened is quite funny but I will save that for another story. For now, I am enjoying our friendship and I have no expectations. I am letting it flow like that rest of my life and seeing where it leads in its own time.
Through all this, I quickly realised that the twists and turns that life takes us on are not random. We learn we let go, we become and we become undone and sometimes all the things that we took for granted about ourselves add up to create something bigger then we could have ever imagined before.
I am now not only working with my writing but I am also incorporating my photography and working with my photography skills in a much more meaningful way. My interest in writing not only feeds into my love of teaching English but it has also introduced me to a whole new world of writing I didn’t know existed.
If you dare to let go of what no longer serves you, life responds. You have only to pay attention and be committed to making the shift and surrender to what you know is better for you.
My life is different now, much more fulfilling and I am fully engaged with it, unlike before. I feel very much alive by being unwilling to settle for what is easier or more familiar but at the same time, this means working very hard to cultivate the new. And to this, I surrender completely.