Initiation into the mysteries of life begins when we ask the right question and are committed enough to then step into the unknown to experience our way into the answer. No one can answer our innermost questions for us. It requires courage and an ability to trust our intuition.
I have always lived with this need to know the indestructible force that lays beneath the surface of all things. In a world where duality is an illusion, I felt that if there was death, there must be a source of no death. What was the truth behind this? I wanted to know, with all my heart, that which never dies. Not only did I want to know it, I wanted to remain close to it.
It was that simple and that complex.
This question became the fire against which everything was tested and whatever remained became a piece of the answer. I began to see the continuous flow of life into one form and then another. I became aware of the joy of deep nothingness and alchemy – the balance of force and form in relation to will and understanding. I started to interact and give shape to my own thoughts.
As I got older, truth became a double-edged sword with which I cut away at the material and at the spiritual relentlessly until what remained I couldn’t cut through. The more I cut, the sharper my blade. This was the adjustment forever necessary to keep me balanced on shifting ground.
I then realized that the path of relative truth self-destructs into the absolute in a genuine expression of the opening of the heart. Only then was it possible to move closer to that which can’t be named.
The answer to my own truth became a question of love.
I feel that we come to love unprepared. We are cheated by the shallow values of our society. We hurt each other because we mistaken love for the materialistic exchanges we are used to. We are victims and perpetrators so afraid to lose something that can’t be lost. We focus on what we will gain as opposed to cultivating the quality of what we give. We are ignorant of the fact that love cannot be divided.
I assumed again that in a world where duality is an illusion, where there is a love that fades there must also be a source of love that doesn’t. I wanted to know that love and this desire to know brought me a dream in which I felt that I was fully awake.
I dreamt that I was being carried on the soft, feathery back of a bird through various flickering landscapes. I remember holding tightly to its feathers, excited and afraid of the heights. Then everything started to slow down and I found myself before a tree between two rivers, beneath a starry sky at midnight.
From within the darkness of the hollow of the tree, two beautiful eyes peered back at me and as I placed my fingertips up against the trunk, I heard this gently hissing sound from down below that startled me. I remember looking up at the bare branches reaching up to the sky and thinking how foreign yet familiar this landscape felt to me.
Back in my every day, I started to take this dream apart and with long careful research, moving past the many myths and symbols that resonated with what I had experienced, I came to the hymns of Enheduanna and the myths of Inanna.
Start here, I heard my intuition say.